最受歡迎TED演講之一：再平淡無聊的生活，也可以變得有趣起來

演講題目：The agony of trying to unsubscribe

中英文字幕

It's funny the things you forget. I went to see my mother the other day, and she told me this story that I'd completely forgotten about how, when we were driving together, she would pull the car over, and by the time she had gotten out of the car,

很多你不記得的東西都是很搞笑的。前幾天我去看我老媽，她告訴我了這樣一個故事，我已經完全忘了，我們曾經一起開車出去，她半路要停車，當她從車裡出來，

and gone around the car to let me out of the car, Iwould have already gotten out of the car and pretended to have died.Because that's how you die.And I remember, that was a game I used to play with myself to entertain myself whenever I was bored or frustrated.

圍着車繞了一圈，然後準備讓我也下車，我那時已經下了車，并且假裝已經死了。因為在那時你差不多就是這麼“死”的。我記得，我以前常常和自己玩裝死，隻要我無聊或者感到沮喪我就玩裝死來自娛自樂。

Settle down.People say we live in an age of information overload. Right? I don't know about that, but I just know that I get too many marketing emails.I got a marketing email from a supermarket firm, which will remain nameless for predominantly legal reasons, but which I'm going to call 'SafeMart.'

好讓自己冷靜點。人們常說我們生活在信息膨脹的時代對吧？我也不清楚，但是我知道我常收到很多營銷郵件。我收到過來自一個超市集團的營銷郵件，匿名的郵件，因為一些法律原因，但是我準備叫它“安全超市”。

I got an email from them, and it went like this, it said:'Just three weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!'And I resented this, because not only do I not remember signing up to that, but I resent the fact that they appear to think that I should be excited about a shop opening.

我收到一封他們發的郵件，上面寫着：“還有三周，安全超市就要在國王十字路口開張啦！！！”我讨厭這種郵件，因為我不僅記不得訂閱過這樣的消息，而且我對于他們理所應當地認為我應該對于新店開張感到無比興奮這種事兒非常厭惡。

So what I did was I scrolled down to the bottom of the email, and I pressed, 'Unsubscribe.' And I thought that'd be the end of it. But a week later, I got another one that said,'Just two weeks until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!'

于是我滑到郵箱的最底部，點擊了下“取消訂閱”。我想這樣應該就會清淨了。但是一周後，我收到了另一封郵件寫到，“還有兩周安全超市即将在國王十字路口開張啦！！！”

And I thought, obviously, I haven't clicked hard enough. So I tried it again. Right? Lo and behold, a week passes, you guessed it,'Just one week until SafeMart at King's Cross opens!!!'And here's the problem: The internet gave us access to everything; but it also gave everything access to us.

我想，應該是我上次沒有退訂成功。然後我又退訂了一次，這樣應該好了吧？沒想到，過了一周，你猜怎麼着，“還有一周，安全超市即将在國王十字路口開張啦！！！”這就有問題了：互聯網讓我們與世界相連。

It's hard enough to discriminate between the things that genuinely matter in this world and the minutiae of life, without having emails about supermarket chains and Candy Crush Saga.And I was really annoyed with them, and I thought, OK, I was about to write a strongly worded email, which I can do quite well.

同時也讓所有東西與我們相連。沒有關于連鎖超市和糖果傳奇（一款手機遊戲）的郵件，我們可能就會很難分辨世界上真正重要的東西，和生活中的雞毛蒜皮。我真的被它們搞煩了，我想，看來我必須要寫一封語氣很重的回複郵件了，我很擅長這種事兒。

And I thought, no -- I'm going to find the game. So I replied to it, and I said,'I literally cannot wait!!!!''What do you need from me?'They got back to me; a guy called Dan said,'Hi James. I've asked a colleague to help me with your query.'

然後我仔細想想，不——我要陪它們玩下去。所以我回複了它，我寫到，“我真是等不及了啊！！！”“我可以為你們做些什麼呢？”一個叫Dan的人給我回複了，寫道：“你好James。我就你的問題向我的同事咨詢了一下。”

Like it needs help. And I said, 'What's the plan, Dan? I'm thinking fireworks, bouncy castle ...'

'I'm not sure what you mean.'

I said, 'I'm just tremendously excited about the opening!'

'Do you want to book the bouncy castle or shall I?'

好像他才需要幫助吧。我說：“你們有什麼打算呢，Dan？我能想到的是開業的煙花，充氣的城堡……”

Dan：“我沒搞懂你的意思。”

我說：“我隻是對你們開業相當激動！”

“你打算訂充氣城堡，還是我來訂？”

He said, 'I think you have misunderstood.'

'A new store is opening, but there is no celebration planned.'

I said, 'But what was all the 'Three weeks until,' 'Two weeks until' emails? I was getting excited.'

'I'm sorry you're disappointed.'

他說：“我覺得你可能誤會了。”

“我們新店确實要開業了，但是并沒有開業典禮計劃。”

我說：“但是你們每周都有發那些開業倒計時郵件啊？讓我都白激動了啊。”

Dan：“我對你的失望感到十分歉意。”

I said, 'Not to worry. Let's do something anyway! Besides, the deposit on the bouncy castle was non-refundable.'

'If we don't use it, we're out a few hundred quid, Dan.'

He said, 'Mr. Veitch, I'm not responsible for anything you have ordered.'

我說：“沒事。不管怎麼樣我們還是做點什麼吧！再說充氣城堡的訂金已經不能退了。

如果我們不用它，我們就浪費了幾百塊呢，Dan.”

他說：“Veitch先生，我對您所訂購的東西沒有任何責任。”

I said, 'Let's not get into who did what. Bottom line: you and I are in this together.'

Question: Will you be there to make sure people take their shoes off?'

我說：“我們先别說誰做了什麼。無可否認，我們現在已經在一條船上了。'

請問：你願意一直在旁邊看着保證别人都把鞋子脫了嗎？”

I'll be honest, then my relationship with Dan deteriorated somewhat, because the next email I got was this:'Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ...'That's outrageous. I said, 'Dan?'And I got -- and I was just like, this is ... -- and I, I .... And I said, 'Danny?' And I thought, this is terrible. All I'm doing is collecting case numbers. I said, 'D-Dog?'

實話實說，那之後我跟Dan的關系在某種程度上就惡化了，因為我發現下一封郵件是這樣寫的：“感謝您的郵件——您的處理編号是……”這真是讓我哭笑不得。我說：“Dan，在嗎？”然後我收到的還是……這……讓我……我說：“Danny，你在嗎？！” 我覺得，這太糟糕了。我一直在收到這些處理編号。我說：“是電子狗嗎？”

'The store is now open.'I said, 'But Dan, they must have wondered why there was no bouncy castle.'And then we were back to this.And that might have been the endof the story, but I remembered that anything -- everything -- even something as mundane as getting out of a car, can be fun if you find the right game.

“超市現在開張了。”我說：“但是Dan，大家都會想為什麼沒有充氣城堡吧。”然後又變成了處理郵件。故事應該在此就結束了。但是我突然發覺，任何事——每件事——甚至于一些日常小事兒，如下車，隻要掌握了正确的玩法，都能變得有趣。

So, this is what I replied:[Thanks for your email - your Case Number is #0000001.]And we just, uh ...It was like we were dancing. It was just a beautiful relationship. We just kept going. It was lovely. But to be honest, guys, it was quite labor-intensive, and I had other stuff to do, believe it or not.

所以， 我就回複到：[感謝您的郵件—— 您的處理編号是#0000001。]然後我們就……這就像我們在翩翩起舞。就像我們是完美的關系。我們就這樣進行下去。太和諧了。但是老實說，夥計們，這挺費功夫的，我還有别的事情要忙，不論你信不信。

So what I did is I have a little email auto-replier program. And I set it up so every time it receives an email from SafeMart, it just pings one back. So I set it up, and it says,'Thanks for your email - your Case Number is ...'

于是我做了一個郵件自動回複程序。我設置好了程序，每一次從安全超市收到郵件，它就這樣發送一封回去。我設置好的内容是，“謝謝您的郵件，您的處理編号為……”

Then it has a little formula that I wrote to up the case number every time. And I put it on the server and set it running.I'll be honest, guys -- then I forgot aboutit.I checked back on it the other day, and it appears there have been a number of emails going back and forth. We're on 21,439.